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Believe Me, She’s Not FINE

At the end of the day no matter how many times she smile and laugh with you, she’s not okay; deep inside her are things she can’t explain, things she can’t express or she doesn’t have the courage to let you  know. No matter how hard she tries; telling herself that everything will be fine, everything will be right and everything will pass at the back of her mind she just wish for her life to pass away. It’s an unending thought of how this world is much better without her, how she doesn’t know how to fixed her problem and how she can’t tell it to  someone else because they would just look down on her and tell her that what she’s facing right now is petty.

Do you even notice how good she is in pretending to be okay while having a war on her mind; so please stop telling her that it’s okay because it’s not! Do you even know what it’s like?, In the morning she find it so hard to wake up to convince her self that this day; she will be happy, that this day that heavy clouds will not hinder her and that for once she will feel like herself again because she miss herself too and she hates it when she cries without reason and when everybody’s asking her but she doesn’t know it too tears just flow and her heart just suddenly sink.

So when you see her please stop asking why,stop telling her to care for other  people, stop telling her how much your life is worse than what she’s experiencing right now because she already know and she want to stop too but she  can’t, that in what ever she does this sadness and depressing thought just came in and tears just suddenly flow down her eyes.Stop telling to be okay because she’s not and sometimes to support her you just need to shut your mouth and listen to her; even if you don’t understand a thing that she’s saying, no matter if your against her thoughts and even if you just don’t get it, just shut your mouth because she doesn’t need your sermon, she just needs YOU.

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To my parents, I think its time…

I’ve been leaning on you ever since I was born and even before I open my eyes. You were great in teaching me everything that I know today and thank you for bringing life to me but I think its time but before I get there….

Mama, you thought me almost everything I know about etiquette and good manners, how to get along with people and how I should respect everyone no matter if they’re older or younger than I am. You are the strongest person I know and I hope someday I will have the strength to face this life the way you do it but mama it’s time. Papa, you thought me how to love and how love is not perfect but we’ll always find ways to fix it and how to never give up. You make me laugh even at my saddest days, you know how to make my tears stop and how to make me smile. Thank you because you’re the only person who’s there to support whatever I want. Papa, now I think it’s time. To my parents, you will not like what I’m about to say because I know you love to take charge, you want to make sure that I will live well and you want to make sure that I’ll walk the path that you laid long time ago but I have to speak up now.

Mama and papa; do you remember that when I was a young I learn how to walk after so many tries and sometimes I even get hurt in the process, it’s the same way today in my life; you may not accept this but it’s time to let me make my decisions, you have to let me make mistakes and you have to accept that I’ll have to face my consequences. Yes, I will have problems and I will surely cry when that happens but you have to let me experience the pain in life because that’s the only way for me to learn how to stand up and as much as I want to respect you and follow what you want, I’m sorry because I want to take my steps in a different path.

I want to enjoy life and look back someday not regretting anything even the times that I got wounded, beaten and at times I want to give up. Mama and Papa don’t worry because I will still keep in touch and I will still consult you because I acknowledge that you are ahead of me and you will always know better than I do but please it’s time to believe in yourself that your baby that you used to teach and help is now an adult. You have to trust yourself that you did a good job in raising me.